


No, Seriously. WTF?

by Auddieliz09



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 16:17:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18196484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auddieliz09/pseuds/Auddieliz09
Summary: Zac Greenberg is So Done with Beacon Hills and it's resident werewolf problems.Season 3 episodes Frayed and Motel California from Greenberg's pov. (I'm kinda funny so you might get some laughs out of this.)





	No, Seriously. WTF?

**Author's Note:**

> For Greenberg Appreciation Week Day 2

Quite frankly, Zac Greenberg is damn tired of Beacon Hills. Something is seriously weird about this stupid town. Man-eating cougars (the literal kind, not the desperate housewife kind), that lizard-man thing that paralyzed people (he was finally going to ask Danny to dance with him, but no, he got paralyzed instead), and now there’s some creep killing virgins!? Apparently for human sacrifices?! And for some reason, Scott McCall and Stiles Stilinski are always in the middle of it all. It’s like, as soon as they became relevant, the world around them turned to shit.

 

At first, he was excited about the cross country meet out of town because it’s _out of town._ But then he remembers that Scott and Stiles are also on the team. There’s no way something bad isn’t going to happen on this trip. Trouble follows them. Zac may not be the smartest dude, according to coach anyway (it’s not his fault economics are boring as fuck), but he’s used to being in the background, therefore he’s become pretty observant. That being said, Scott is totally bleeding through his shirt and looks like he’s half dead.

 

Also, Boyd looks like he’s going to murder Ethan (please, please do it), Isaac is hot (nothing new), Allison Argent and Lydia freaking Martin are following the bus, and, oh yeah, Jared is about to blow chunks. Finstock is oblivious, as always, and Zac is just waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

 

The bus stops abruptly, google tells him that there’s a turned over tractor a few miles ahead. Joy. Zac looks back just in time to see Boyd with bright glowing eyes. _What. The. Fuck?_ Now there’re claws on his hands?? Annnnd Scott stops him from doing… something. (Seriously, does nobody else see any of this? Is _Greenberg_ the only one who notices all of the weird?) Now Stiles is blowing up Danny’s phone while his ridiculously over-muscled, bay boy boyfriend is sitting _right there_ (okay but seriously, why is he here? He’s not on the team) _. Bold, Stilinski, real bold._

 

Whistling. Stiles trying to reason with Finstock. Whistling, whistling, WHISTLING! “OKAY!” Yeesh. Stiles sits next to Jared. Oh, no. Zac knows that face. He moves to the front seat. This is about to get gross.

 

It’s worse than expected. Zac is the first one off the bus. Somehow, he still manages to get some on his shoe. Bullshit, total and complete bullshit.

 

Definitely a diversion tactic. Stiles drags, literally drags, a three-quarters dead Scott to the restroom, followed closely by Allison and Lydia. Figures. Stiles and Lydia come back out after a few moments later.

 

Zac wants nothing to do with any of it. He sits on a bench to wait.

 

“Greenberg!”

 

 _God, please, no._ “Yeah, Coach?”

 

“Help clean up this mess!”

 

“What’s in it for me, Coach?” Zac isn’t taking this one lying down. He’s done helping just because the coach asks him to.

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means I’m not dumb enough to clean up someone else's puke for free.”

 

“Forget it. … Collins! Ritcher! You’re on clean-up duty! No buts! No questions! Just do it!”

 

Zac grins. Maybe he should say “no” more often. Feels kinda good.

 

 _Is that… growling?_ Zac looks over just in time to see Isaac slam Ethan’s face with a wicked right hook. And then he just keeps punching. And punching. This is the best day ever. Coach tries to break it up, no good. Scott finally emerges from the bathroom and just yells Isaac’s name and the other guy just stops like that. Gee, wonder what the hell that’s all about? Everything is weird and Zac is ready to follow Jackson to England.

 

Everyone gets back on the bus. Including Allison and Lydia. Finstock doesn’t seem to notice. Go figure.

 

The pit stop and the traffic jam means the meet was postponed. (So sad.) But they’re too far from home to turn around and drive back so coach finds them a motel. This place gives Zac the heebie-jeebies. He’s rooming with his best friend, Shannon, who’s current ambition is to help every bi-curious girl explore her sexuality. What an overachiever.

 

Zac just wants Danny to, like, notice him. This was going to be the year. He’d worked out all summer, his facial hair finally filled in in the patchy places, making the full scruff thing possible. But apparently, he still can’t compete with leather jackets and motorcycles.

 

Zac is on his way to the vending machine to grab a snack when he sees Boyd just… smash his hand through the glass and pull out what he wanted. He watches Stiles look around guiltily before grabbing several things out as well. _Fuck it._ Zac slinks up to the machine and takes what he wants, too. He also grabs some things for Shannon.

 

Snacks are eaten, showers are taken, and Shannon goes to sleep. Just like that. Makes no sense, this place is skeevy as hell. Zac decides to wander around the grounds until he’s too tired to care about the creep factor. As he passes the office, he overhears a conversation between the owner lady and Lydia about how the Motel has the highest suicide rate in California. 198. This place has got to be haunted. Zac is ready to go home.

 

Zac sees Ethan run out of the room he’s sharing with Danny and up to another room on the second level. _What an idiot._ Allison, Lydia, and Stiles rush out of room 217 and it looks like they’re trying to get into the room Ethan just ran into. _Is there a party I don’t know about?_ Then he hears Stiles say something about a handsaw?

 

Zac’s curiosity gets the best of him, he peaks through the window to see Stiles fighting an actual freaking handsaw away from Ethan. Lydia pulls the plug, like the genius she is. Ethan flicks his hands and claws appear on his hands. _Fucking really? Does Danny know?_ He tries to dig them into his gut but Stiles stops him from doing that, too. _Okay so I don’t actually want the guy to die, so what the fuck is going on?_ Zac feels like he thinks that to himself way too much.

 

Stiles manages to throw Ethan down and into a heater. Ouch. But it seems to wake the dude up from whatever is going on. Zac moves out of the general vicinity but listens as Ethan tells them he has no idea how he got there or of trying to kill himself. (Makes no freaking sense, but okay.)

 

He makes another lap around the building and stumbles across Lydia telling Stiles someone is drowning. They run to Isaac and Boyd’s room. Zac peeks in the door to see them trying to pull a fucking safe off Boyd in the full bathtub. _Why would Boyd want to kill himself?_ This place is definitely haunted.

 

“How long can a werewolf survive underwater?” Lydia asks Stiles. _Werewolf? Werewolf!_ Zac is reeling. Stilinski doesn’t even notice him as he bolts to the bus. He comes back moments later with two road flares?? Zac watches wide-eyed as Stiles lights one and plunges it into the water. Boyd tosses the safe off of him like an empty cardboard box and emerges from the tub, roaring, literally fucking _roaring,_ with glowing eyes and fangs. Legit fangs. _Okay, then. Werewolf._

 

Zac nopes the fuck out before he’s noticed. He’d seen the lizard man, it’s not completely unfathomable to believe in werewolves. There’s probably a million other things besides humans out there. No big. All he knows is that he’s going to stay out of their way. Stick to the background like always and keep his mouth shut.

 

He’s heading toward the bus when he sees Scott dumping gasoline over his head. _Oh, dear sweet baby Jesus. Not you, too._ Then Scott lights the last road flare. _Fuck._

 

His friends find him before he can drop the flare. _Oh, thank god._

 

Zac is aware he shouldn’t be listening to any of this. Scott’s “No one” speech hits home hard. And he almost cries when Stiles gets the flare away from Scott. He’s staring at the flare when it rolls into the gasoline _by itself._ He ducks for cover as the small explosion happens. He looks into the huge flame and sees a creepy robed figure staring at the others. _Shit, now what?_

 

When the flames die down and everyone is alive, Zac finally decides to speak up. “Hey, so I was going to sleep on the bus. You’re more than welcome to join me. Ah, after you shower off the gasoline, preferably.”

 

“Greenberg?” Stiles asks. “How long have you been there.”

 

“Literally all night. I’ve seen a lot of weird shit tonight at this Motel California. Like, I just found out werewolves are a real thing, thanks for that nightmare, by the way, and I swear I’ll keep my mouth shut about it because I don’t want to get eaten. Or whatever. Look, I’m not inclined to stay in there to sleep, so bus it is.  Join me if you want.”

 

Stiles narrows his eyes at Zac. “Does the word Darach mean anything to you?”

 

“What? Like, Dwayne Johnson?”

 

Scott laughs. “Dude, it’s Greenberg. He’s harmless.” He looks at Zac. “I’ll take you up on that offer, man. After a very thorough shower.”

  



End file.
